Thursday, December 24, 2009

Last Christmas

Wham's 1984 single "Last Christmas" has to be one of the best Christmas songs ever made.  A claim supported by the vast number of artists including Jimmy Eats World, Arctic Monkeys, and the cast of "Glee"(which did a version this year) who have covered it.

Although, the song should just be credited to George Michael's since he wrote it, and Andrew Ridgeley, the other half of Wham,  mooched off it.

The video for the song isn't nearly as good though.  No wonder the brunette woman gave away Michael's heart last Christmas because that looks like one sucky Christmas.  Who wants to go to the middle of nowhere to celebrate Christmas?  I don't see any presents either so I bet Michael offered his heart because he was too cheap to buy real presents.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Cheryl Cole: Britain is Holding Out on Us

Let me get this straight, Britain has the hot popstar Cheryl Cole to offer and instead they give us homely Susan Boyle.  It's the equivalent of being promised a good toy for Christmas, but only getting a crappy toy from a drug store or the United States telling Britain that the most attractive pop star we have to offer is Lady Gaga.

To borrow a phrase from a 2004 song by overrated British rapper The Streets,  one might say to Cole or about her, " You're fit but my gosh don't you just know it" (Don't even get me started on how stupid the whole The Streets thing is/was).

Monday, December 14, 2009

Fall 2009: The Season of the Overweight Black Woman

 The first and probably the last time you will 
ever see a picture of Mo'Nique on this page

 Now I could have said fat, but I trying to be politically correct for a change.  Fall 2009 has clearly been a time of unparalleled success for "big-boned" women in entertainment.   Think about this for a moment.

The movie "Precious," which is gaining critical acclaim and praise features two overweight black women as main characters .  It's possible that both Gabourey Sidibe and Mo'Nique will earn Oscar nominations for their roles.

Overweight women are also having success on television.  Shows such as "Glee," "Community," and "Parks and Recreation" all have this type of woman as a character.  They're not just there to be a punchline to a joke, but are actually legitimate characters.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

ABC's Conveyor Belt (Meat Market) of Love

The Hollywood Reporter reports that ABC has green lit a reality show called "Conveyor Belt of Love."  Oh it's as bad as it sounds.  The show consists of 30 men being rolled out before a panel of five women and given one minute to make a positive impression.

Actually that description doesn't even do it justice.  Here's how the press release describes it:

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Caveman Games

As one of my friends accurately put it "the best/worst game."  The Nintendo game focused on caveman competing in a series of athletic events that mimicked Olympic style events, but with the challenges of their prehistoric environment.

The game play and controls for this game were terrible.   The developers neglected to acknowledge that they made this game over-complicated for a system that only has a two-button controller.  The only thing that's more complicated and makes less sense is the TV show "Heroes."

Not to mention, the game doesn't come with any instructions for  game play despite the $50 that game probably cost.  It's like they want you to go crazy trying to figure it out.

The game consisted of six events: Dino Race, Dino Vault, Clubbing Fire Starting, Mate Toss, and Saber Race.  The Mate Toss was the best event by far while Clubbing and Fire Starting were decent, and the other three events were just awful.

Here's a breakdown of the events:

Friday, December 4, 2009

Find Your Digital Doppelganger

Mashable details a new facebook application provided by Coca-Cola called the Coke Zero Facial Profiler which tries to find your digital doppelganger through facebook.

I don't really support facebook applications, but this seems like something that would be pretty cool. I'd use it to find my doppelganger only so I could eliminate him.  Much like the Highlandler there can only be one of me. Of course, if he was a better version of me then chances are that he might kill me, but not if I find him first.

I'm just worried that much like Homer Simpson I'm going to get distracted by a puffy tailed dog instead.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

James Lipton and Sexting


Never thought those two things would be associated with each other but they are.  James Lipton takes part in a PSA advising teenagers about the danger of sexting.  He even manages to make the word "junk" sound kind of dignified.

But I'm sure kids will continue to sext because they're pretty stupid and implying sex through technology is apparently much better than actually doing it.  I can't help think this idea was one geek's master plan to make himself seem cooler than he really was.

(Video isn't loading on home page for some reason but click read more and it's on that page.)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Yeah, That is Disgusting

There's not much I can say about this story from London Telegraph as it really speaks for itself.  Let's just say that this guy enjoys manure way more than anybody should.

Although, I don't understand why the family would not charge this sicko for the use of their manure.  It's not like they're eating the manure or anything.  Secondly,  why doesn't this guy just get his own manure?  Hasn't this guy ever seen "Road Trip?"  If it's HIS manure, he can do anything he wants with it, no matter how weird and perverse it may be.

Friday, November 27, 2009

R. Kelly Just Wants to Get You Pregnant

R. Kelly has done it again.  This time he has a song called "Pregnant," and it's as bad as you think it is.

You really won't believe some of the lyrics here.  Nobody demeans women quite like Kelly as he describes meeting a woman at a club and croons "Never felt nothing like this,  she's more than a mistress, bout to handle my business then put that girl in my kitchen."

If that's not good enough, he pounds the point home with a chorus consisting of him singing " Girl you make me want to get you pregnant... Knock you up, knock you up."

Link to song after jump.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Kay This is Not How You Sell Jewelry

I can't believe this is a Kay Jewelers commercial because I thought for sure it was one for a horror or serial killer movie.  Maybe they should change their slogan to "every murder begins with Kay."

Nobody should trust this creepy sounding guy who just happens to take his girlfriend/wife up to a secluded cabin during a thunderstorm.  I'm sure it's just a coincidence that nobody can hear you scream up there too.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Sports Cameramen Kind of Racist

This has never made sense to me.  When a minority athlete is playing a sport, why does the cameraman always find a fan of the same minority group to focus on?  It's kind of offensive/racist.

The sport that's guilty of this more than any other is baseball.  A prime example are the at-bats of New York Yankees player Hideki Matsui.    The camera always manages to find some person of Asian decent to focus in on.  Even if there's only one in the whole crowd.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

That's Not a Real Medical Condition

This is really weird, but the The London Telegraph reports that a 55-year-old Taiwanese man tricked up to 20 women into having sex with him in an elaborate scam where he posed as both a handsome young man and that man's ailing father.

Now you're probably thinking this must have been one brilliant guy to pull off a scheme like this, but you'd be wrong.  It's really just a case of 20 extremely stupid women.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Meep is Banned reports that a Massachusetts principle has banned the word "Meep" after students kept using it to interrupt school.  My first instinct is to say that these kids are awesome because this is one of the greatest things I've ever heard.  Just imagining teachers trying to talk and getting interrupted by "Meeps," cracks me up.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I Wanna Sex You Up

There aren't many things that embody the early 90s better than Color Me Badd and their song "I Wanna Sex You Up."  It has it all: cheesy 90s mustaches, bad clothing and outdated technology references.  In fact, Color Me Badd was clearly the inspiration for this classic video.

Watching the "I Wanna Sex You Up," video is always funny for numerous reasons.  First, it's clear that they just watched a bunch porn and modeled their video after it.  The whole video is them having sex with women in workplace environments while two women can't get enough of watching it all on video monitors or on their home TV.  Tell me, that's not something right out of porn.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Ian Mckellan Suffers with the Idiots on The View

Courtesy of the LA Times,  Ian Mckellan's painful experience on"The View" last week.  Mckellan appeared on the show to promote "The Prisoner,"  an upcoming AMC series that premiers on November 15th.

I thought I knew nothing about "The Prisoner" until someone explained the premise to me, and I realized "The Simpsons" had parodied it in a season 12 episode called "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes" (Sorry no clip because Hulu doesn't have it, and most other Simpsons clips don't work).  That only reinforces  my theory that everything in life can be related back to "The Simpsons," although I'll talk about that another time.

Video after the jump.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Fabolous Ruined the Economy

The rapper Fabolous has a song  called "Throw it in the Bag" in which he boasts about having so much money that he doesn't need to look at the price so you can just throw it in the bag.  Really, Fabolous? You think it's a great idea to perpetuate the idea that it's cool to just buy whatever you want without looking at the tag?

 I think that's how we ruined the economy in the first place because people were buying tons of stuff they couldn't afford.  Now all these kids are going to think it will be cool to buy expensive things with no disregard for money.  Fabolous even says, "F**k the price just throw it in the bag."

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Cheaters is Fake

Most likely you've at least heard of, if not seen the syndicated reality show "Cheaters."  Nobody really intends to watch "Cheaters," but it's 2 am, nothing else is on, and you're either too drunk, tired, or lazy to change the channel. 

Basically, a man or woman hires the show to conduct surveillance on their partner because they believe that he or she is cheating on them (of course they always are).   The real fun starts when sleazy host Johnny Grecco forces the client to watch video footage of the cheating, and pushes them to confront the cheater who gets caught in the act.  During this confrontation, Grecco further incites the situation by saying things such as " You're gonna let him/her treat you like this?" and other inflammatory remarks.

The conflict then devolves into a succession of expletives and physical violence that's quite entertaining (hey don't judge me, it's 2 am).  It's like a goldmine of late night television.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Christopher Walken Does Lady Gaga's Poker Face

Oh yeah, it's just as amazing as you would think it would be.  The only way it could have been better was if Walken did this as well.  You have to give the British credit though,  they always seem to get celebrities to do more crazy stuff  than they usually do for us.  I think it's because they're constantly  encouraging guests to drink during their shows. 

Does this count as the second time a man has performed this song since nobody really knows what Lady Gaga is?  Although not current, this also would have been a good song for Walken to perform.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Pumpkin Dance

The Midwest must have a strange way of celebrating Halloween if this video from a Nebraska news station is any indication.  I find it more entertaining than I should, but in my defense it's hard to resist anything set to the Ghostbusters theme song.   You could stab me with a knife, and I'd be fine with it as long as it was set to that song.  Then again you might feel bad if I bleed out because then you'd be a murder.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Bad Video Games Endorsed by Athletes

Things were ridiculous in 80s and early 90s as athletes just got bags of money to endorse / throw their name on shitty video games.  The majority of these video games would not even have real players and teams as they just featured generic ones.   Of course, I always got tricked into buying most them until I finally learned better.

Here are a few of the worst:

John Elway's Quarterback

One of my first experiences that should have told me not to trust an athlete endorsed video game.  The game flat out sucked.  You were conveniently never told you couldn't use John Elway or that the game didn't have real teams or players.  Instead it was an impossible to play video game with some of the worst game play ever.  If I ever see John Elway, I'm gonna punch him in the face and get my money back.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Stalker Songs

Michelle Branch in the middle of stalking

I was going to do my own top 10 list of stalker songs but this article already does a pretty good job as it features more than a few songs I would have selected.  So instead I'll just mention some more songs in no particular order that I think sound stalkerish.

Most Radiohead songs are creepy to begin with, but this one definitely has stalker undertones in it.  Then consider the lyrics "I wish I was special, You're so f***ing special."   I could definitely see a young Thom Yorke hiding behind some bushes as he stalks some girl.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Luke Skywalker Should Have Known Better

I apologize because I'm going nerd alert in this post.  It's the part of "Star Wars" that everybody likes to forget because it's uncomfortable to think about.  If  Luke Skywalker was such a great Jedi,  then why didn't he realize he was kissing his sister Princess Leia?  Even knowing just a little bit of the Force should have told him that.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Ho White and the Seven Dwarfs

Well, Australia has done it again.  Offending people must be some sort of national past time there.  As explained by the London Telegraph (I swear I read other stuff, but they always seem to have interesting things), an Australian beer company's  provocative advertisement featuring Ho White and the Seven Dwarfs in a bed together has angered Disney.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Rio de Janeiro Just like Grand Theft Auto Video Games

I thought drug dealers only shot down police helicopters in video games, but as the London Telegraph reports, I was wrong.  Apparently this happens in the streets of Rio de Janeiro as well.

The helicopter was called in to stop a turf war between two rival drug gangs.  When the helicopter crashed,  the situation only got worse as the police struggled to contain violence on the streets which included gunshots and Molotov cocktails.

Video after the jump.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Douchebag App


Leave it to AMP Energy to come out with the douchiest Iphone application yet.  The London Telegraph reports that their AMP UP Before You Score app provides pick-up lines designed to help men plow (that's right I'm bringing it back) 24 different types of women including foreign exchange students, college girls, and punk girls.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Tim Tebow Over Hyped

For awhile I thought I hated University of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow until I realized something:  it's really the god like image of Tebow perpetuated by his fans and the media that I hate. 

The best comparison to Tebow fans and supporters would be Dave Matthews Band fans.  It's almost impossible to convince a DMB fan that every single song the band made isn't a piece of musical genius.  Their constant touting of the band makes you hate DMB by association even if you didn't hate DMB to begin with.

Tebow fans and the media do the same exact thing.  They want us all to believe that Tebow descended from heaven to grace us with his superhuman skills. 

Friday, October 9, 2009

Uh Australia You Can't Do Blackface

I'm not entirely sure that Australia knows what decade this is.  On an Australian variety show,  a group calling themselves the Jackson Jive performed in blackface as they parodied the Jackson Five.  CNN article goes into more detail.

Nobody seemed to notice it was wrong until guest judge Harry Connick Jr. pointed out how offensive it was.  Even worse it was suppose to be viewed as tribute to Michael Jackson and the Jackson Five.  That's like saying blasting African-Americans with a water hose is a tribute to civil rights. 

Is Australia as up to date on race relations as Eastern Europe is on popular American music?  I think 80s icon El DeBarge is still big in Eastern Europe.  Likewise,  it must take Australia decades longer to catch up to the rest of the world's standards on issues of race.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Entertaining Internet Videos

Courtesy of the London Telegraph, here are 15 entertaining internet videos featuring optical and audio illusions.  Why? Because it gives you something to do at work besides work.

The most entertaining video on this list is the right brain vs. left brain test.  The way you see the dancer spin determines which side of your brain is more dominant.  If you see the dancer spinning anti-clockwise, then you favor the left side of your brain and vice versa.    The dancer video is after the jump.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The View-Master so Awesome

It's such a simple toy, yet so awesome.  I wish I still owned the View-Master that I had as a kid because I'd view the crap out of it.

The View-Master wasn't originally a toy though, it was created as a means for people to view tourist attractions in color and 3-D.  The US military even used it to train personnel during the early 1940s.

If you're not familiar with the View-Master,  it is a toy similar to binoculars that you load with a paper disc full of seven images which you can then view in 3-D.  A bunch of cartoon discs such as "Masters of the Universe," "Charlie Brown," and Disney characters were available as well as discs featuring scenes from television shows.  Here's an 80s commercial for it.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Fox I Know What You're Doing

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Fox has created a computer application called Virtual Echo for fans of the TV show "Dollhouse"  with Eliza Dushku's character Echo that  "entertains and interacts with the user." Are you serious Fox?   You're not fooling anyone with this.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Sesame Street Does Mad Men

Two of my favorite things together at last: Muppets and "Mad Men."  Somebody call Zack Morris because I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so... scared. 

Considering Sesame Street's content limitations, they do a pretty good job with the parody.  Although it would have been cool if the Muppets were drinking cranberry juice or orange juice as a substitute for the scotch "Mad Men" characters always have in their hand.  Then again I'm not a puppeteer so I don't know how hard it is to make a Muppet hold a glass.

I wonder if the Muppet version of Betty Draper is just as mean to her kids.

More importantly, we learned that even a children's program can make a funnier  "Mad Men" parody than Saturday Night Live.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

National Stereotypes Aren't Going Away

If you were afraid that national stereotypes had become less common these days, don't worry they've just gone online.  According to this London Telegraph article, people are searching Google to get answers to stereotypes such as British people having bad teeth, French people smelling bad, and American women being easy.

Make sure you look at all the pages of stereotypes because a lot of them are pretty bizarre and outdated.  I don't know what American women did to the rest of the world, but they really seem to get a bad reputation.  See.  Although, I have to imagine that going to other countries to get their groove back with strange men and falling for any man with an accent contributed vastly to the image of American women as easy.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Stop Telling Me What to Do Hilary Duff

Random people don't get to tell me what to do so forget a C list actress trying to.  I'm not even sure this is really a PSA.  Hilary Duff was probably pretending to shop for 15 minutes hoping someone would finally recognize her, and when that didn't happen she pretended to be offended by someone saying "gay" just so they'd have to pay attention to her.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Bad Ronald Still Sucks

[Bad Ronald] - Let's Begin (Shoot the Shit)

If you do remember Bad Ronald, I feel sorry for you because you're taking up valuable brain space with something you're better off forgetting.  For those of you who don't, they were a rap-rock group consisting of three MCs (Ray, White Owl and Kaz Gamble) and DJ Deetlax whose only notable song was "Let's Begin" in 2001.  I was going to call it a hit song, but I don't even think it did well enough to be considered one.

Monday, September 21, 2009


I thought a Super Cat was only the Jamaican reggae artist that collaborated on Sugar Ray's hit song "Fly,"  but I was wrong.  Apparently people think it's a great idea to crossbreed domestic cats with wild cats from Africa or South America to create so called supercats.

According to a London Telegraph article,  the most popular breed is called a savannah.  It is bred from a serval,  cheetah-like wildcat found in Africa that can grow three times larger than a domestic cat, jump 7 ft vertically and run at a top speed of 50 mph.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Local Natives

I slacked on a Friday post so I'll make it up with a rare Saturday one telling you about a cool band called Local Natives. They're an unsigned LA band that I've been listening to a lot, but I only found out about them when someone else who saw Local Natives live gave me their five track "Daytrotter EP."

Thursday, September 17, 2009


By now I'm sure you've at least heard of the A&E show "Intervention." even if you have not watched it. The show airs on Mondays at 8:00 pm and 9:00 pm.  Each episode documents one or two people who suffer from an addiction of some kind and believe they are participating in a documentary about their problem.  But in reality they are being filmed for the impending intervention that their friends/family are planning with a professional interventionist.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Michael Vick needs Air Bud

With Michael Vick getting very close to being reinstated for regular season action, I think we still have to make sure that he's truly changed. That's why the Philadelphia Eagles need to sign star athlete/Golden Retriever Air Bud as a wide receiver. Now obviously there's no way in hell a dog could ever play football because it couldn't run routes, catch the ball and would probably try to bite anyone who tried to tackle it. But let's be as naive as the Disney movie "Air Bud: Golden Receiver," and somehow pretend that a dog can do all that.

Once Air Bud drops an easy pass or runs the wrong route, we would really see how rehabilitated Vick is. If Vick starts maliciously whipping balls at Air Bud, needs teammates to restrain him from physically harming Air Bud, or tells Air Bud that he knows how to deal with bad dogs then we'd know that Vick hasn't changed. Although, who really wouldn't be upset about having a dog as a wide receiver? So maybe that's not a good test after all.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

T-Pain's Miami Dolphins Fight Song

I had no idea this existed until a friend informed me that T-Pain made a fight song for the Miami Dolphins.  It's a surprisingly catchy song considering it was made by T-Pain and involved Pitbull (I could go on about how much Pitbull and Reggaeton suck, but I think F minus sums those two things up best).  Then I discovered that I was giving T-Pain too much credit.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Mad Men Parody Video

I like "Mad Men' as much as the next person, but this video by the comedy troupe Landline is pretty amusing. Know how I know "Saturday Night Live sucks?" A random comedy troupe can make a better "Mad Men" sketch in 60 seconds without John Hamm than "SNL" can in a five minute sketch with John Hamm.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The Straight Asian Fastball

Pictured Hideo Nomo

"The Straight Asian fastball" is not a derogatory race thing, but instead a phenomenon associated with pitchers of Asian decent in Major League Baseball.  A lot of pitchers from Japan, Korea, China, and Taiwan struggle in MLB because they throw a fastball that lacks sufficient movement to get batters out.  It's the reason pitchers like Tomo Ohka and Sun-Woo Kim never lived up to their billings as prospects. I don't care how fast a pitcher throws, if the ball travels straight as an arrow then a Major League hitter will hammer it.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Only Minorities Get STDs


At least that's what this commercial seems to be saying.  Forget all those things you heard about safe sex because apparently the real key to avoiding STDs is racial profiling of sexual partners.  There aren't any white people in this commercial because clearly they must not get things like that.  Oh wait a minute, they do because everyone is susceptible.  

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Google Insights Strangely Addictive

Okay it's not crack but it's close.  If you haven't used Google Insights,  I'm going to warn you right now that it's very addicting so make sure you have some free time.  Allegedly, it's supposed to be a tool for businesses to conduct market research as it provides content such as the most common search terms for a subject like basketball, when the most popular searches for basketball occur like what month or year, what regions have the most interest in baskeball along with detailing the top searches and rising searches for basketball.  Now actually reading the description of the program sounds boring, but using it isn't because  Google's tag line for the service "See what the world is searching for" rings true.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

What the Hell is a She Wolf?

Apparently Shakira has a new song called "She Wolf," but it doesn't make much sense to me. Especially after watching the video.   Where to start?  She keeps claiming "there's a She Wolf in the closet."  It's highly unlikely you could trap any kind of wolf in a closet, and it wouldn't even be a wise idea to do so.  How would a wolf even get in a closet?  Unless R. Kelly somehow got himself trapped in a closet with a wolf.  That's one freaky dude so I wouldn't put it past him to have some weird sex ritual involving a wolf.

Friday, August 28, 2009

What You Should Be Watching: Skins

If you're not already watching "Skins" then you are truly missing out on one of the best shows on television right now.  The import from Britain, which can be seen on BBC America,  focuses on the lives of a group of teenagers as they attend the fictional Roundview College (the British use the term "college" for high school ) in the city of Bristol.  

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

America's 25 Douchiest Colleges

With college football season around the corner, GQ has a pretty funny feature ranking America's 25 Douchiest Colleges.  It must have been pretty hard to narrow it down to just 25.  Some of the highlights include Morehouse, Notre Dame, and USC, but the best part is the explanation for Duke not being number one.  

I think they may have made some mistakes by not including the whole Ivy League, and failing to include one of the biggest douches: the M.I.T douche.   An engineering or computer science student that talks down to you because you didn't major in either of those things.  Then he'll try to keep you out of his frat parties because it's his only opportunity to get with normal college girls.  

I would like to see the formula breakdown for the rankings because it should have been: 
  • Ratio of students from New Jersey who constantly talk about how much better their city is than anywhere, but are actually referring to New York City which isn't their city because they live in shitty Jersey.
  • Ratio of students with popped collars who constantly say "bro" or "bra." 
  • Schools that have shitty Greek systems but with frats that still think they're cool. (I'm looking at you Boston University and George Washington)

Friday, August 21, 2009

What Happened to Alex Mack?

What happened to actress Larisa Oleynik aka Alex Mack from TV show "The Secret World of Alex Mack?" If you're from a certain age group, you already know why this is so important. To tons of adolescent boys, she was the dream girl. There were definitely way too many junior high conversations concerning Oleynik that involved the cracking voices of adolescent boys.

Hell even I'll admit that at one point I believed that I'd date her. Thankfully by high school I realized that this wasn't going to happen and moved on instead of becoming some crazy stalker Hey I know what you're thinking, but this is strictly a blog subject. I don't have a bizarre shrine to her like this girl I lived next to in college did to Angelina Jolie. I went in her room once, and every inch of her walls and ceiling were covered in pictures of Jolie. Needless to say, I was so creeped out that I never went in there again.

When "The Secret World of Alex Mack" ended in 1998, she seemed poised for success. Oleynik had a couple of guest spots on "Boy Meets World" as Shawn Hunter's girlfriend, and then in 1999 appeared in the movie "10 Things I Hate About You," which is probably her most known role besides playing Alex Mack. Especially since it seems to be on television every other day, and somehow I can't help watching it almost every time.

It was pretty strange that she kind of dropped off the map following that movie because it was a launching pad for just about everybody in it including Julia Styles, Heath Ledger and even Joseph Gordon Levitt. Who is to say that Oleynik couldn't have saved the last dance instead of Styles? Although Ray, her best friend on "The Secret World of Alex Mack" was black so maybe she already had her dance saved. The last recognizable role she had after that was a 21-episode stint on "3rd Rock From the Sun" as the girlfriend of the Tommy character who was played Levitt.

Maybe the reason for her disappearance can be attributed to "Alicia Silverstoning" herself or otherwise known as ruining a promising career with terrible career choices. There must have been better options available than a stint on "3rd Rock From the Sun." It was in the midst of the teen movie craze, and she could have done crappy movies like "Bring it On" and "Crazy/Beautiful." Instead those movies were done Kirsten Dunst who seemed like had the potential to be hot, but instead became at best a notorious two-facer that rarely looks attractive unless she's in some really good, photoshopped light. Come on, if Dunst could get that popular then Oleynik would have been ten times better her.

I mean Brittney Murphy was even considered an "it' actress at one time. Really, Brittney Murphy? She's responsible for one of the most awkward sex scenes (it's so mature you must sign into You Tube to view it) in movie history with Eminem in "8 Mile." I don't know if I've ever felt more uncomfortable in a theater, and it didn't help that the guy in front of me felt the need to say, "yeah, that's what I'm talking about" during it.

The more likely explanation could be Oleynik's decision to take a break from acting to be a normal teenager and go to college. Usually celebrities don't realize how much it sucks to be a normal teenager. The whole point of being one is to try to be as cool as you can and to get people to like you. Why would you ever give that up? Because once you do, it's hard to get back. Oleynik has probably discovered this because since 2003 she's only appeared in a couple of little-known indie movies and had a few guest spots on TV shows , which isn't anything near the success she once had.

For all we know, one of us could have randomly walked past Oleynik at a mall, movie theater, or coffee shop last week without even noticing her. Something that would have seem impossible in the mid to late 90s. Is it too late for her to make a career comeback? I don't know, but if Molly Ringwald can get a steady job on TV, then anything possible.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Favre's Back Again

Brett Favre decided to unretire for what seems like the 50th time. Here's a list of things that seem comparable to Favre or remind me of him:
1. Herpes - every time you think he's gone, he comes back.

2. Zombies - At this point, it wouldn't be all that surprising if a 100 years from now a zombie version of Brett Favre rose up out of the ground because he got the desire to come back again.

3. "The Simpsons" - Like Favre the show was iconic through the 90s, but in its later years has suffered a drop off .

4. T-1000 Terminator - No matter how many times you think you're gotten away from him, he reappears ready for action. Kind of like the constant Favre media coverage or his promises of being 99 percent sure he's done with football.

5. Kimberly from Melrose Place - That woman would not die, and like Favre she brings tons of drama to the party . She was suppose to be dead at least two times. Every time you thought she was dead, she came back for more. Sounds kind of familiar doesn't it.

6. Madonna - The female version of Favre. Well past her prime physically, but wants us to believe she still has it.

7. Yo-yo - Constantly goes back and forth, does a few neat tricks, is a little beat up and not nearly as good as it was when you were a kid

8. Old Yeller - I'm not saying that Favre has rabies, but I'm pretty sure Green Bay fans think he's gone crazy and believe their once lovable player needs to be put down.

9. Madden Video Game - Favre was almost unstoppable in the game because Madden loved him so much. I'm not sure if he understands that unlike the video game he won't automatically be rated a 99 just for coming back. Also, I remember one of my friends using Favre in Madden and getting so mad that he couldn't get Favre to the line quick enough for a last play that he flipped his bed in anger.

10. Dial up Modem - Like Favre it was popular in the 90s and was once considered cutting edge. Now they're both old, slow, and still used in the Midwest.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

SportsCenter LA is too LA

You're probably wondering what a picture of Ashton Kutcher has to do with "SportsCenter." He signifies what's wrong with "SportsCenter LA." The show gets too caught up in its LA location. Do I really need or want to hear a SportsCenter anchor and Ashton Kutcher awkwardly talk sports so he can promote some shitty new movie that has nothing to do with sports? I was under the impression that I didn't, but that was before "SportsCenter" suddenly became "Entertainment Tonight." Maybe Kutcher used the butterfly effect to create a reality where "SportsCenter" sucked and he could be on it. Being in LA is not some excuse for the show to parade out as many celebrities as possible at the expense of actual sports coverage. If the ESPYs have taught us anything, it's that ESPN's combination of celebrities and sports culminates in two hours of unwatchable television each year. It's awfulness will only be surpassed by the eventually broadcast premiere of "Julie and Julia" in two years.

Almost as bad is the whoring out of the show into some type of music video with featured music set to sports highlights. When I see NFL highlights, I don't want it associated with some stupid Daughtry song. One is awesome and the other is pretty much the next Creed with songs that all sound the same. SportsCenter LA is like that douchebag friend that moves to LA only to become more a douchebag because he gets extremely enamored with culture, and believes that living there somehow makes him better than you.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Seth Rogen Gets Rejected by Megan Fox

On a Jimmy Kimmel appearance, Seth Rogen describes how Megan Fox rejected him when he previously met her on the Kimmel show. She always kind of seemed like a bitch so I guess this isn't all that surprising. Although since she not only gave Brian Austin Green the time of day but dated him, I don't really think she has the right to snub many people.

Does Anybody Really Love Rolos?

Sure, Rolos are a decent candy, but they're not anything special. I can't even remember the last time I bought or had Rolos. Ninety-nine percent of the time they taste like they have been sitting in the candy aisle for the last decade.

 For the first half of my life, I was convinced that Rolos were suppose to be stale and rock hard.  Then it recently occured to me, I don't think I've ever heard or seen a person say "Oh my god I love Rolos, they're my favorite candy," or "I really want some Rolos right now."

 It just doesn't happen. That's weird because you would think that there must be people in the world who enjoy them. If there weren't, why would Rolos continue to exist?

Of course, I can think of some good reasons that most people never proclaim their love for Rolos. After about four or five of them, it feels like you've had more than enough, and you either throw away the rest or try to pass them off to one of your friends.

 If you're foolish enough to eat the whole package, the awful feeling in your stomach confirms that it was definitely a mistake.

Apparently, a popular slogan Rolo once used was "Do you love anybody enough to give them your last Rolo?" But it seems if you do feel that way then you better be prepared for a sad and lonely existence because nobody wants your stupid Rolo.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

US Soccer playing Mexico at 4 est/1 pst

If you have any interest in soccer, don't forget that the US Men's team is playing Mexico in a World Cup qualifer at Mexico's infamous Estadio Azteca at 4 est/1 pst. The US have never won at the Azteca as they are 0-22-1 in 23 games there. It's difficult for any visiting team to salvage a victory because of the unique combination of the alttiude, large crowd and smog filled air that the stadium presents.

The game is being broadcast on Telemundo so prepare yourself for some "Goooooooooooaaaaaaaal" and "No, Nanononono" calls when a goal is scored.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Last Dragon

As I said before, not all Blackbusters are bad. Some of them are awesome such as the 80s classic "The Last Dragon." I've probably seen this movie way too many times to count, and it's still entertaining every time. For several reasons "The Last Dragon" is an obvious Blackbuster:

1. It was produced by Motown's Berry Gordy and any produced by him is a Blackbuster.
2. Anytime I've mentioned this movie to any of my non black friends they have no clue what I'm talking about.

It features actor Taimak as main character Leroy and actress Vanity, Prince's protege, as music video host Laura Charles, Leroy's love interest. Also, there are some surprisingly notable actors in smaller roles like Keisha Knight Pulliam (Rudy from the Cosby Show), Chazz Palminteri, and William H. Macy.

In the movie, Leroy, a black teenage martial arts student living in New York City, desires to be like his idol Bruce Lee and sets out to reach the highest level of martial arts accomplishment known as "The Last Dragon." When one reaches this level, he then possess a mystical energy called "the glow." While on the way to achieving this goal, he encounters a crooked arcade mogul (evil white guy) who kidnaps his girlfriend, and must battle an evil martial arts master named Sho'nuff, the Shogun of Harlem.

But words alone can not do this justice so check out the trailer posted above. It has several attributes that make it a great movie including: black people doing martial arts, one of the best character names ever "Sho'nuff" (origin of my name), cheesy 80s special effects of glowing and an epic last fight scene (skip ahead to the 4:35 mark) with an extremely catchy song also called "The Last Dragon." Not to mention it makes you yell "who's da mastah?" after viewing it.

Recently, Columbia Pictures has decided to produce a remake of the movie with Wu Tang's RZA as a producer and Samuel L. Jackson as Sho'nuff. Rhianna has also been mentioned for the role of Laura Charles. All this might make Taimak (the star of the original "The Last Dragon") happy because he has apparently written a script for a sequel that he's still trying to get made.

Do yourself a favor and see the original film first.

Blackbuster Movies

(Picture from BET website)

That's not a typo; I really did mean Blackbuster instead of blockbuster. The cable network BET often uses it to describe the movies it shows on certain nights. But the real question is, what exactly defines a movie as a Blackbuster?  Like any movie, they can be really good or really bad. Here are a few general guidelines you can use to determine if a movie is one:

1. Generally a movie embraced by the black community that white people don't understand, get or have even heard of. It's like white people's love of the film Caddyshack.  There aren't any minorities besides maybe Tiger Woods who can figure out why it's suppose to be so hilarious and great.  White people golf everyday; that's not funny, it's a fact.  Did you think the Blackbuster "Who's Your Caddy" looked or sounded funny. That's what "Caddyshack" is to minorities. Although to be fair, I don't think anybody could really enjoy "Who's Your Caddy."

2. Unlike most movies, the ratio of black actors to white ones is much higher. At the very least it's two to one in favor of black people, probably higher.   In this world it turns out that more than one black person exists in New York City.  Contrary to what the TV show "Friends" thought, you probably can't go eight years in New York without seeing a black person.  Instead of the random black friend that shows up, it's the random white friend.  Although there can be exceptions to this rule, such as when it's fewer black characters trying to make it in a white man's world or take down a bunch of evil or unjust white characters.

3. Any movie with Bill Bellemy, Vivca A. Fox, Nia Long, Martin Lawrence, or Mike Epps is probably a Blackbuster.  Other common indicators are the appearance of Morris Chestnut and Taye Diggs.  These people are in the Blackbuster hall of fame because it's hard to find many made without them. Now for some of these actors like Chestnut and Diggs, it's not entirely their fault because Hollywood likes reusing the same six actors for every black role, but others like Bellemy, Fox, Lawrence (exception Bad Boy movies), and Epps are responsible for movies that may have set back the black community several years. Of course some Spike Lee films, like Crooklyn or any Tyler Perry film can be considered blackbusters.  Actually, I think Perry movies might be the best equivalent to white people's fascination with "Caddyshack."   Don't even ask me why they're suppose to be so good because I don't get the big deal about his films either.

4. Any movie starring a rapper. Apparently it's a natural progression from rapping to acting except it turns out expanding one's grasp of the English language beyond adding the n word to every sentence can be more difficult than originally thought.  Clearly, we are still waiting for Ja Rule and DMX to win the Oscars they so sorely deserve.

There you have it. If you encounter one or more of these things, you may indeed be watching a Blackbuster.  So the next time you're watching "Big Mamma's House" or "I Got the Hook Up," you can proudly tell your friends why it's a Blackbuster movie.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Mascot Gave Him What's For

Apparently mascots in Australia don't mess around. A rugby mascot took care of a fan that jumped out of the stands and attacked him. It's safe to say that mascots there aren't like US mascots that usually consist of some flamboyant guy doing gymnastics. That eagle could definitely take down the Notre Dame one in a fight.

Worst Criminal Ever

This has to be one of the most ridiculous commercials I have ever seen. What type of criminal would actually do this? I'm sure he really sat home planning this master scheme out and saying to himself, "you know what, I'm gonna stand outside the fence in broad daylight and watch the mother and daughter play soccer for an hour then wait until they go inside to bust open the door as loudly as I can." Better yet why not dress up like it's winter and look as sketchy as he can even though it's clearly summer. The neighbors probably saw him there too, but that seems like a neighborhood with a strict "no snitching " policy.

I can't really blame the mother for setting the alarm for lunch because I'd set it too just to make sure nobody stole my fruit rollups when I wasn't looking.