Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Blackbuster Movies

(Picture from BET website)

That's not a typo; I really did mean Blackbuster instead of blockbuster. The cable network BET often uses it to describe the movies it shows on certain nights. But the real question is, what exactly defines a movie as a Blackbuster?  Like any movie, they can be really good or really bad. Here are a few general guidelines you can use to determine if a movie is one:

1. Generally a movie embraced by the black community that white people don't understand, get or have even heard of. It's like white people's love of the film Caddyshack.  There aren't any minorities besides maybe Tiger Woods who can figure out why it's suppose to be so hilarious and great.  White people golf everyday; that's not funny, it's a fact.  Did you think the Blackbuster "Who's Your Caddy" looked or sounded funny. That's what "Caddyshack" is to minorities. Although to be fair, I don't think anybody could really enjoy "Who's Your Caddy."

2. Unlike most movies, the ratio of black actors to white ones is much higher. At the very least it's two to one in favor of black people, probably higher.   In this world it turns out that more than one black person exists in New York City.  Contrary to what the TV show "Friends" thought, you probably can't go eight years in New York without seeing a black person.  Instead of the random black friend that shows up, it's the random white friend.  Although there can be exceptions to this rule, such as when it's fewer black characters trying to make it in a white man's world or take down a bunch of evil or unjust white characters.

3. Any movie with Bill Bellemy, Vivca A. Fox, Nia Long, Martin Lawrence, or Mike Epps is probably a Blackbuster.  Other common indicators are the appearance of Morris Chestnut and Taye Diggs.  These people are in the Blackbuster hall of fame because it's hard to find many made without them. Now for some of these actors like Chestnut and Diggs, it's not entirely their fault because Hollywood likes reusing the same six actors for every black role, but others like Bellemy, Fox, Lawrence (exception Bad Boy movies), and Epps are responsible for movies that may have set back the black community several years. Of course some Spike Lee films, like Crooklyn or any Tyler Perry film can be considered blackbusters.  Actually, I think Perry movies might be the best equivalent to white people's fascination with "Caddyshack."   Don't even ask me why they're suppose to be so good because I don't get the big deal about his films either.

4. Any movie starring a rapper. Apparently it's a natural progression from rapping to acting except it turns out expanding one's grasp of the English language beyond adding the n word to every sentence can be more difficult than originally thought.  Clearly, we are still waiting for Ja Rule and DMX to win the Oscars they so sorely deserve.

There you have it. If you encounter one or more of these things, you may indeed be watching a Blackbuster.  So the next time you're watching "Big Mamma's House" or "I Got the Hook Up," you can proudly tell your friends why it's a Blackbuster movie.


  1. Don't forget Mo'Nique as the sassy fat friend.

  2. not really a need for such sarcastic raciscm is there...?