Thursday, September 17, 2009

Intervention



By now I'm sure you've at least heard of the A&E show "Intervention." even if you have not watched it. The show airs on Mondays at 8:00 pm and 9:00 pm.  Each episode documents one or two people who suffer from an addiction of some kind and believe they are participating in a documentary about their problem.  But in reality they are being filmed for the impending intervention that their friends/family are planning with a professional interventionist.



How can these people always fall for the documentary ploy?  Honestly, I really don't know.  I think it's just like the road runner and the coyote.  The coyote is always going to lose.  Not to mention, he's addicted to his pursuit of catching the road runner   The show is more than just your standard drug and alcohol addictions too.   Some of the best ones were the genius that was addicted to DXM (the stuff in cold medicines like robitussin), the teenager with the video game addiction, and the girl that got high off electronic cleaner.

Coincidently they also provided some of the best moments like the guy on DXM getting his backpack taken by a pimp when he couldn't pay a hooker (skip head to 3:07 to see it), and the video game addict pretty much getting bribed with sex (think it's around 7:00 minute mark) by his friend (a girl) to go to treatment.

Every episode always starts out with background on a person and how they became an addict.  Of course, it's almost always the same type of people.   If your parents didn't believe you or pretended like the time you were abused, raped, or molested never happened or they got divorced then there's a 99% chance you're on "Intervention."   A lot of it comes down to shitty parenting, but then there's the other 1% that just create a traumatic experience out of a minor life event like I found out Santa Claus wasn't real or Tommy Mctommerson said I smelled in the second grade.

Eventually they get to the intervention which is really entertaining.  Some people just start flipping their shit as soon as they realize they have been tricked.  Most times they get calmed down to get the intervention started.  Then family and friends detail the negative effects the person's addiction has had on them and offer consequences if the person doesn't go to treatment.

My problem with this step is that family and friends are always reading off a script of "your addiction has affected me in the following ways... if you don't accept this help our relationship will change in the following ways."  So let me get this straight, you care about me so much that you can't even take the time to think of something original to say so you need to read something off a piece of paper.  The best response I've ever seen to this was a stripper/meth addict who said, "So what, I wish I had a pile of meth to snort right now, but it ain't gonna happen."

The key to the success of the intervention is usually the interventionist that the show deploys.  They usually rotate three of them, although the best one by far is Jeff VanVonderson.  This guy's like the Mariano Rivera of interventions.  He's always closes the deal, and better yet he describes how he's going to get the person into accepting treatment each time.  I'm pretty sure he could convince you and me that we needed an invention even if we didn't.  He's just that good.  Much like He-Man's sword, I think VanVonderson's mustache gives him secret intervention powers.

It's always nice to see people accept treatment and become rehabilitated.  Especially since I can then justify enjoying the show because it's helping people.

Secretly I'm hoping I get to be a part of an intervention at some point.  Don't worry though, I'm not wishing that any of my friends or family have serious drugs problems or anything like that.  Although please remember, it's not my fault that you thought that the mound of white stuff at the party was a new kind of Splenda.  Where would you even get a crazy idea like that?

People keep telling me that I might need an intervention for how much I like "Intervention."  Just know that if you don't get more than three people for my intervention than you're gonna need another invention for how upset I'll be about the lack of people at my original one.

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