Thursday, October 29, 2009

Bad Video Games Endorsed by Athletes

Things were ridiculous in 80s and early 90s as athletes just got bags of money to endorse / throw their name on shitty video games.  The majority of these video games would not even have real players and teams as they just featured generic ones.   Of course, I always got tricked into buying most them until I finally learned better.

Here are a few of the worst:

John Elway's Quarterback

One of my first experiences that should have told me not to trust an athlete endorsed video game.  The game flat out sucked.  You were conveniently never told you couldn't use John Elway or that the game didn't have real teams or players.  Instead it was an impossible to play video game with some of the worst game play ever.  If I ever see John Elway, I'm gonna punch him in the face and get my money back.

Joe Montana Sports Talk Football

I probably should have learned not to trust blond, Hall of Fame bound NFL quarterbacks and their video games by this point, but I didn't.  Released in 1991 for Sega Genesis,  Joe Montana was the only real player in the game because it didn't procure team licenses from the NFL.  Instead it featured teams named after cities, and naturally Joe Montana was the best player in the game as he threw for 500 yards at will.  Not to mention, the announcer sounded like the voice from Radiohead's "Paranoid Android" and always lagged behind game play.  About 5 minutes after you scored, it would say, "Wow, what a touchdown.  I can't believe it."  Here's an example.

Magic Johnson's Fast Break

Honestly, one of the biggest let downs of my life.  I trusted Magic and he screwed me over.  The game released by Tradewest in 1990, features the worst graphics and game play I have ever seen in a video game.  Look at this.  It's clear that Tradewest just dumped bags of money on Magic's lawn, and Magic agreed to slap his name on this awful game.  Obviously, Magic's unprotected sex with numerous women allowed him to contract HIV,  but the bad karma from this game probably didn't help.   The only way I can even justify this purchase is if he used some of that money to find his secret cure to HIV.

David Robinson's Supreme Court

Another really bad game for Sega Genesis released in 1992.  He's another athlete you'd expect to be better than this because he was in the Navy,  but like the others he placed his good name on an inferior video game for money.  Robinson isn't even in the video game as it's stocked with fictional teams and players.   His nickname the "The Admiral" holds true because he's the Admiral of an awful game.

James "Buster" Douglas Knockout Boxing

Buster Douglas is the worst athlete to ever have a video game.  The closest thing in sports you'll ever find to a one-hit wonder getting his own video game.  Even I wasn't stupid enough to buy this game.  Sega just took an existing boxing game called "Final Blow," and changed the name of the game and a game character's name to Buster Douglas.  They did this to capitalize on Douglas knocking out Tyson in 1990.

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