Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Douchebag App


Leave it to AMP Energy to come out with the douchiest Iphone application yet.  The London Telegraph reports that their AMP UP Before You Score app provides pick-up lines designed to help men plow (that's right I'm bringing it back) 24 different types of women including foreign exchange students, college girls, and punk girls.

Even better it encourages users to share the details of their sexual conquests with friends online.  The app description says, "Get lucky?  Add her to your Brag List.  You can record the name, date, and what ever details you remember," and adds "Keep your buddies in the loop on email, Facebook or Twitter."

Where to start?  Anybody who is drinking any kind of energy drink is probably that annoying douchebag / frat boy with spiked hair who everybody hates because he's always exaggerating his sexual exploits in graphic detail that nobody wants to hear.

Then take into account that AMP Energy is like the homeless man's energy drink since it's pretty much Mountain Dew in energy drink form.  The only thing thing possibly worse than AMP would be piss in a can aka Mellow Yello.

Chances are that anybody drinking AMP isn't getting any to begin with, but if this app helps them get some then they're in trouble.  A girl that falls for any of this crap will most likely be a walking cesspool of STDs.  

It's also very likely a girl is going to find the list on the phone.  Then she'll tell everybody she knows,  and you might as well call it the cock block list as everybody on every social media website will know how much of a manwhore you are.

The most convincing argument for not using the AMP app is the Don Draper one.  If anybody needs a brag list, it would be Don Draper from "Mad Men," but he doesn't use one.  I mean he even pulled off the Spanish Stare in a restaurant.  Draper knows it much better to keep one in his head because a physical list or evidence makes it easier to get caught for indescritions.

If it's not good enough for Draper for a ladies man to use, then it's not good enough for anyone.  


  1. oh man, this truly is the douchiest thing i've seen in awhile. i would cite this product as a case for selective sterilization, but luckily, thanks to the radiation given off by the iphone and mountain dew's infamous sperm-killing powers, none of the jackasses using this thing will be procreating anytime soon.

    p.s. amp has come a long way from the days of crashing on the floor in joe tita's room.
    p.p.s. bring 'plow' back buddy, bring it back!

  2. Is the Mountain Dew thing true? I always forget if it is.

    I can't really knock people drinking free AMP in college. I mean if something's free then people are going to take it.