Friday, December 9, 2011

Cold Pizza Equals Domestic Violence

At least that's what this 90s anti-abuse ad seems to indicate.  Clearly domestic abuse is not a laughing matter, but this over the top ad isn't helping people take it seriously.

It's difficult to get past the whole pizza issue.  Last time I checked, pizza wasn't the gateway drug to domestic violence.

What did pizza ever do to anybody?  Nobody would get that irrationally angry about pizza.  Even a guy who's lactose intolerant wouldn't get that angry.

I mean I saw some bizarre stuff go down at Papa Gino's back in the day, but nothing like this.

Yet, this isn't even the craziest domestic violence commercial ever made.  Let's just say that Canadians take it to a whole new level, and saying "sore-ree" won't help.  This clip contains some NSFW language:

Friday, December 2, 2011

James Bond Jr.

Everything about this 1991 cartoon show is awful.  The theme song is one of the worst things I've ever heard, and the whole concept lacks logic.

Why make a show based around Bond lore when the character can't womanize or kill people?  These are essential Bond activities.

Then there's the whole junior issue.  The character didn't have to be a junior because it just could have been a younger version of James Bond instead.

Even worse, James Bond Jr. isn't even James Bond son,  he's his nephew.  That makes no sense at all.  

I think this probably explains the creative process behind the show.  There's really no other explanation.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Big: Piano Scene

One of the best scenes from the movie "Big" is this one.  If you can't enjoy it then you may in fact be dead inside.

I'm still waiting for my moment to shine on a giant piano.

When it does happen, I'm not going to waste my time playing songs like "Heart and Soul" and "Chopsticks."

Instead I'll play the "Beverly Hills Cop" theme "Axel F" with a cool old black guy who joins in and is surprisingly nimble.

Then it turns out that I helped him rediscover his passion for the piano.  Not that I'll put a lot of thought into this or anything.  

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Signs of Recording Artists That Can't Dance

Elaborate dance routines are hard so there's no shame in some recording artists not being able to do them.

But some artists, especially pop stars can't leave it at that.  Pop stars usually compound the problem by trying to use smoke and mirrors to hide their lack of dance skills.

If anything, it only draws more attention to the situation.

Friday, November 4, 2011

You're the Man Now Dog

Sean Connery's classic line, "You're the man now dog" from the 2000 movie "Finding Forrester" never gets old.

It's just as funny as the first time I heard it.  Eleven years has done nothing to diminish it.

The YTMND website it inspired is still amusing even though it's basically the endless audio looping of that line.

Nobody inspires urban youth quite like Connery.  If only I had someone like Connery to tell me that I was indeed the man now dog,  life would be so much better.

I mean constantly telling yourself that in the mirror with a faux Connery impression is okay, but it's not the same.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Bad Dudes

I was recently reminded of the 80s arcade and Nintendo game "Bad Dudes."  Looking back, it truly had to be one of the laziest video games ever created.

They just tried to make a game around buzz words.  In fact, the internet confirms that the game is based on 80s pop culture when Michael Jackson's "Bad" and ninjas were popular.

The plot focused around ninjas kidnapping the U.S. president only reinforces this belief.  Because you know, ninjas are always doing stuff like that.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Jennifer Lopez's Fiat Commercial

A commercial hasn't annoyed me this much since every Old Navy commercial ever made.

It doesn't help that it's shown ten million times during NFL football games in an attempt to brainwash you into buying a Fiat.

You know because football fans are clearly the target audience for a Fiat.  They'll just get one instead of that pick up truck they wanted.

Even worse, the commercial expects you to believe several things that just aren't true.

Friday, September 30, 2011

US Soccer's New Hope: German Black Guy Movement

U.S. Men's Soccer is trying everything to elevate their program so they can realistically compete for a World Cup in the future.

They've hired former German star Jurgen Klinsmann as head coach and are over hauling their development but their most promising initiative may be entirely unintentional: African-American servicemen based in Germany.

These men may have single-handedly created the next generation of American soccer players.

They're seemingly getting German women pregnant at a rate comparable to NBA players.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Sesame Street Glee Parody "G"

Another great Sesame Street  parody as this time they do "Glee."  Except they call it "G" because it's centered around learning the letter "G."

They really nail it with characters Mr. Gooschuester, their version of Mr. Schuester, the Rachel Berry Muppet and the Sue Muppet.

But I especially like the last time on "G" beginning where they mention that the G club got a goat to play guitar and the goose gobbling because it's just as ridiculous than some of the stuff that actually happens on "Glee."

Friday, September 16, 2011

Sydney gets hit by car on Melrose Place

Sydney getting hit by a car is one of the greatest TV moments even if you've never seen "Melrose Place" before (skip ahead to 50 sec for the good part).

Think about it.  How many times do you really get to see someone in a wedding dress get hit by a car on TV?

It's the perfect storm of a ridiculous scene with special effects that are laughably bad and tons of poor acting to go with it.

Friday, September 9, 2011

WhoNu Chocolate Sandwich Cookies, an Oreo Rip Off

WhoNu chocolate sandwich cookies are yet another feeble attempt to make imitation Oreo cookies.

A lot of people think of the Hydrox cookie as a common knock off of the Oreo cookie like WhoNu, but the Hydrox cookie actually came before the Oreo.

When will people learn there can only be one Oreo cookie and nobody wants an inferior version?

Friday, September 2, 2011

Ain't No Thing but an Offensive T-Shirt

I can't believe that someone would actually sell this t-shirt nevermind wear it.  It "ain't no thang" but a minstrel show on that t-shirt.

The type of person who made/owns this t-shirt must use the phase "I'm not racist but..." a lot,  and we've already seen how well that works out.

Of course that means their justification for wearing it would probably be "I'm not racist but I really like this t-shirt."

Friday, August 19, 2011

Carl Jr's Robot Commercial

This Carl's Jr commercial is great.  It really affects me more than it should.  That robot is so ready to eat that chicken sandwich then it can't.

I mean that's tragedy.  Probably the first time the robot realizes it's not a human, and it's so depressed at the end.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Mr. Saxobeat

If you still doubted that the sax is really back,  then "Mr. Saxobeat" proves it.

I randomly heard this song by Romanian pop star Alexandra Stan and couldn't believe it was real.

She actually made a song about how much she loves the saxophone and/or a saxophone player.

Naturally because it's about the saxophone it has to be sexual.  Sorry, those are just the rules.

Since "Mr. Saxobeat" is a Romanian song, it's completely possible that the 80s saxophone craze just reached Romania.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Return of the Sax

Clearly, I tempted the saxophone gods with my post about the 80s ridiculous love of the saxophone because  it's randomly back in full force.

People love the saxophone again.  There's saxophone solos in pop songs such as Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory" and Katie Perry's "Last Friday Night," and even Bon Iver is incorporating the saxophone into  his songs

I guess it makes sense though.  People keep trying to bring back movies and TV shows from the 80s so eventually they were going to make their way to saxophone.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Studio Notes on Raiders of the Lost Ark

"Raiders of the Lost Ark" is a great movie, but it could have been a disaster if George Lucas and Steven Spielberg had taken the bad notes they allegedly received from a studio executive.

Courtesy of the blog Notes From Execs, these are the notes they got.  It's a pretty funny read because they're so absurd.

Within the first couple of notes, the studio executive already dislikes the things that make Indy distinctive  including his hat, archaeology background, whip and fear of snakes.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Ian Darke: The Best Thing to Happen to American Soccer Coverage

You may not know who British play-by-play announcer Ian Darke is, but he has elevated American soccer coverage.

Since ESPN hired him to call the 2010 Fifa Men's World Cup,  he has brought enthusiasm to the game of soccer that had been missing in the United States.  

He continues to do this with his coverage of the 2011 Fifa Women's World Cup.

Darke's not pretending to be interested in soccer like some other play-by-men, he's genuinely excited about great soccer plays and it shows.

Friday, July 8, 2011

I'm Not Racist But

The website I'm Not Racist But is definitive proof that nothing good can happen when a person starts a sentence like that.

The only thing worse than that might be someone starting a sentence with "Let's eat at Arby's."

The website searches facebook for all the public status messages that begin with those words and then posts them.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Of Course They Found Whitey Bulger in Santa Monica

It's funny that the FBI found infamous Boston mobster Whitey Bulger in Santa Monica because it's the first place you would look in the Los Angeles area for a Boston transplant.

For some reason, Bostonians are really attracted to that area.  It's like a moth to a flame, and apparently Bulger was no exception as he's been living there since 1999.

At first glance it seems likes a pretty stupid place to hide, but maybe that's why it was so great.

With tons of other Bostonians in the area,  he was just another guy with a strong Boston accent living in Santa Monica.  Nothing unusual about that.

I'm only surprised that the FBI didn't catch Bulger in Sonny McLean's, the notable Boston sports bar in Santa Monica.

Monday, June 20, 2011

The Return of Return of the Mack

It's the return of the mack once again as an artist has decided to cover Mark Morrison's 1996 hit song "Return of Mack."

The cover version renamed "The Mack" by some guy called Mann and featuring Snoop Dogg is an awful auto-tuned mess that pales in comparison to the original.

I just don't get why anyone would feel the need to make a new version of "Return of the Mack."

I appreciate the song, but it's not exactly a masterpiece.   People must really be running out of ideas when they're resorting to this.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Do it for Mom HIV Test Billboard

The same people who brought us this bizarre billboard have put up another equally perplexing HIV test billboard.

Apparently we should all be inspired to get an HIV test in honor of our mothers, which makes no sense at all.

I don't think a lot of mothers would be thrilled to hear their child say, "Hey,  I was thinking about you so I got a free HIV test."

Besides your mother being offended, it probably results in an unsettling conversation about why you think you need an HIV test.

One that might include your mother wanting to repeat a safe sex speech she gave you as a teenager that was so awkward you've tried to block it out.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Cheryl Cole's Brief Time in America: a Blessing in Disguise

Everybody knows by now, Cheryl Cole's experience in America didn't go as well as planned as she was unceremoniously axed from  "X Factor."  Cole barely lasted a week.

I'm still surprised that Cole's introduction was such a disaster.

The whole situation with Fox was like watching a father give his daughter a bike with training wheels but then change his mind and push his daughter off the bike.

But I've come to the conclusion that maybe Cole's brief time in America was a good thing.  Cole might have been another British thing that America ruined.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Foreign Titles for American Movies

Movie titles are pretty important as they serve as a kind of introduction to a movie.

They can make a negative or positive first impression on an audience and often provide an indication of the genre and subject of a movie.

I don't think people would love "Pretty Woman" as much if it was called "LA Prostitute" or "Dirty Dancing" if it was named "Statutory Rape Dancing."

Obviously movie studios put a lot of thought into these titles, which is why it's always interesting to see how American film titles sometimes change in foreign countries.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Jesse Heiman Really Does Want to be Jonah Hill

Back in September, I wrote about Jesse Heiman the ubiquitous background actor in TV and film.

Since then,  he's gained notoriety through a youtube video showcasing his numerous appearances.

In my post, I mentioned that he was kind of like a poor man's Jonah Hill.

Apparently I was right about that as Heiman said something similar in an April interview with The Guardian
"I'm a character actor... I think I could become one of the great character actors like Jonah Hill."
I was also correct in thinking that Heiman doesn't like Hill.   He met Hill once on a set, and thought Hill was a jerk.  

If I were Hill,  I'd watch my back because Heiman wants his career and will cut him.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Offensive Hair Cubed Yarmulke Commercial

I don't think I'm going out on a limb by saying that marginalizing the Jewish faith in an offensive way is not the best way to sell your awful product.

Add that to the high school production value as well as the poor acting and you have one really bad commercial.

I also don't understand why you would tell someone that you're using a hair replacement product when the whole point is to make it look like it's your real hair.

But apparently that's what sketchy guys who hang out in the park all day do.

Although maybe the whole point was to make it so inappropriate and bad that you remember the commercial.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Cheryl Cole Officially Coming to America as X Factor Judge

Cheryl Cole is finally coming to America as a judge for the US version of "X Factor."  What a week for America.  They got Bin Laden and Cole.

I was ahead of the curve on this because as far back as December 2009, I've been stating my case for her to come to America.

I've reiterated this belief multiple times since then, such as here and here.

For some reason my thoughts turn to Cole during the winter and especially the months of December and January because that's when all my previous posts were.

There's really not much I can say about Cole that I haven't already said.  If you need to find me, I'll be the guy doing this today:

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

NBC's The Voice: Surprisingly and Strangely Entertaining

I was as pessimistic about "The Voice" as a lot of other people.  The last thing anybody needs is another stupid singing competition.  I had no intention of ever watching it.

The four judges,  Christina Aguilera, Cee-Lo, Adam Levine from Maroon 5, and some guy Blake Shelton sit with their backs turned to the performer, turning around only when they like what they hear.

But last week as I had it on as background noise while doing something else, it was surprisingly and strangely entertaining television.

It's mostly because of Christina Aguilera who's a crazy combination of Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell.  She lacks the ability to hide her true feelings and it's great.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Beyonce's Convincing Argument to Make Kids Exercise and Eat Healthy

As part of Michelle Obama's Let's Move initiative to encourage kids to exercise and eat healthy, Beyonce turns a school cafeteria into a dance party.

Nothing this cool ever happened in my high school cafeteria.  All we had were fights and people yelling "ooooooh."

But the real star of this video is the chubby kid who starts off clapping and then dances in the front with Beyonce.

He's about a second from getting beat up before Beyonce runs out.  I bet this video saved him from getting diabetes, becoming Big Pun, or even worse Mini Daddy.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Charlie Sheen and his Character in Ferris Bueller's Day Off

I think we're all tired of Charlie Sheen's nonsense at this point, but I was watching "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"and noticed how similar Sheen is to his character in the film.

It's crazy how much alike they are. Watch the clip above and you'll see what I mean.

He's talking about being there for the drugs, and acting like he's some guru life coach when he's really just a burnout.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Neil Young Really Needs a Maid

We all don't like to clean and would prefer to have someone else do it, but Neil Young took it to another level.  He wrote a whole song about it.

He could have just put an ad in the paper like a normal person.  

But Young must really want one because I've never seen somebody sing so passionately about needing someone to clean their house. 

I suspect the song is based on the 1833 original "A Man Needs a Slave."

Friday, April 8, 2011

Superman II Not as Good as I Remembered

I really wish I hadn't watched "Superman II" last weekend.  To my dismay, it turned out to be another one of the movies that seemed a lot better as a kid.

I remember loving Superman II although that's apparently because I blocked out everything, but the awesome last 30 minutes, which is full of people getting thrown into Coke signs and Marlboro cigarette  trucks.

The previous hour is boring and slow so that's why I probably forgot about it.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Passive Aggressive Office Notes

Via Job, 40 (actually 38) passive aggressive office notes.  It's a great reminder of how pissed off people get about the little things in an office.

Some of the best ones are drinks for Dave, don't use comic sans and the very last one about cleaning the bathroom.

Maybe this is a kind of weak post but it's Friday and I'm too busy having to getting down.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Rebecca Black's Friday

This is what happens when people encourage crap like Ke$ha: Rebecca Black's song: "Friday."

Everybody can agree it is the worst song ever made, and one of the few things that's actually worse than Ke$ha.

It reminds me of a much shittier version of "Let's Go To The Mall" by Robin Sparkles, the fictional Canadian pop singer on "How I Met Your Mother."

Except that song's suppose to be a joke and intentionally bad unlike Black's song.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Careless Whisper and 80s Love of the Saxophone

You'll probably recognize George Michael's 1984 hit song "Careless Whisper" as soon as you hear it.

The song is unintentionally hilarious with its lyrics and signature saxophone riff.  It cracks me up every time.

Watching the 80s cheesy video only makes it better.  I didn't think "Careless Whisper" could get any funnier until I saw this prank involving the saxophone riff from the song.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Reasons Why Movies That Were Good as Kid are Not as Good as an Adult

As I previously highlighted with "Blank Check," movies that seemed good as kid doesn't always hold up to an adult's judgement.

It shouldn't be surprising since an adult's eye is more critical, but it's still jarring to realize these movies are actually awful.

You may want to avoid the ugly truth about the quality of a beloved childhood movie so before you watch it, consider these six reasons why movies don't hold up an an adult:

Thursday, February 24, 2011

In Retrospect, Blank Check is a Really Bad Movie

For those who don't recall, the 1994 movie "Blank Check" is about 12-year-old Preston Waters who accidentally gets a blank check that he fills in for $1,000,000.

I didn't love this movie or have a particular fondness for it, but apparently I liked it enough at the time to convince my parents to take me to see it.  

For that, I'd like to apologize to my parents because that must have been an excruciating 93 minutes.  I don't know how they resisted the urge to tell me how stupid it was.

The movie simply does not hold up as an adult.  Just look at the premise, you have to be 12 or under to think that it has the makings of a good movie.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Damn You, Hall Pass Billboards

These  "Hall Pass" billboards are everywhere.  I get it.  There's a movie called "Hall Pass" that's going to be released soon.

The sight of them invokes anger.  Mainly because of Owen Wilson.   He looks so douchey in the picture that I want to punch him in the face.

I'm really supposed to believe Owen Wilson as a nerd between that picture and Hollywood telling me he's the cool guy for the last 10 years.  Being a nerd is really more of a Luke Wilson role.

The only redeeming thing about the billboard is Jason Sudeikis.  The hapless look on his face gets me every time.  It gives me hope that the movie could be funny.

Yet it's not enough to cancel out Owen Wilson.  The "Hall Pass" billboard is like my Overlook Hotel so if I go Jack Torrence crazy,  you'll know why.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Third Olsen Sister: Elizabeth Olsen

Who knew there's a third Olsen sister?  Well maybe "The Onion" did. I know your initial response might be this,  but there is.

 Elizabeth Olsen is the younger sister of Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen.  Like them, she's an actress.

The appearance of a third sister seems pretty suspicious to me though.  How come we're just hearing about this sister now, and why didn't anybody mention her before?  It's sketchy that all of a suddenly she shows up.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Get Your Smokey On

Oh the Ad Council and US Forest Service, you're way off with this one.  They're decided that the new tag line for Smokey the Bear is "Get Your Smokey On."

They've plastered these posters all over the place.   Billboards, bus stops, and I've even seen one covering the whole side of a building.

I can imagine nerdy business guys high fiving when they came up with this:  "How can we make Smokey the Bear more urban?  I got it.  This is really going to relate to our urban base."

Friday, January 28, 2011

Things Real People Don't Say About Advertising

Things Real People Don't Say About Advertising is a pretty entertaining tumblir page that's worth looking at.

It's fairly simple as it takes amusing pictures and adds text ad people or simple-minded people would say about advertising campaigns.

The sad part is that some of these ploys actually work on people, but I really hope advertising people get this excited about strategy.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Girl falls into Fountain While Texting at the Mall

This video is a few days old but it's still funny.  It's incredible that she could be so unaware of a water fountain yet she is.

I've secretly hoped this would happen to many people I've seen at the mall.  In fact I'm disappointed I couldn't witness this live.  

Now, I need to see someone video chatting and falling into a fountain to rise the stakes.

I really don't know if you can come back from mall security laughing at you though.  That's pretty serious humiliation.

Friday, January 14, 2011

What's the Difference Between a Bomb Pop, Rocket Pop, and Firecracker?

I''ve often wondered about this, but it's hard to come across a valid explanation.  They all seem like the same red, white, and blue popsicle.

I assumed that Bomb Pop, Rocket Pop, and Firecracker were just different ways of describing the same product.

Like a regional thing where maybe the East Coast calls it a Bomb Pop, but on the West Coast it's a Rocket Pop.

This isn't the case though.  They are technically not interchangable, but rather three similar yet distinct products.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Srsly Sorry

Don't worry, I haven't turned into a texting teenager that doesn't know how to spell correctly.

I was going to apologize for my lack of posting over the last couple of weeks, but then I found "Srsly Sorry" which is funnier than anything I could of said.

This might be my new favorite website because it features random and crazy confessions or apologizes from people for the bad things they've done.

It's pretty addicting.  I wouldn't post my misdeeds on a website, but I'll sure as hell enjoy reading others do it.

There are some really good ones such as this: