Thursday, February 24, 2011

In Retrospect, Blank Check is a Really Bad Movie


For those who don't recall, the 1994 movie "Blank Check" is about 12-year-old Preston Waters who accidentally gets a blank check that he fills in for $1,000,000.

I didn't love this movie or have a particular fondness for it, but apparently I liked it enough at the time to convince my parents to take me to see it.  

For that, I'd like to apologize to my parents because that must have been an excruciating 93 minutes.  I don't know how they resisted the urge to tell me how stupid it was.

The movie simply does not hold up as an adult.  Just look at the premise, you have to be 12 or under to think that it has the makings of a good movie.

I experienced this revelation a couple of years ago when I stumbled upon"Blank Check" at 4 a.m. on a cable station.  I wasn't even sober, and it was still obvious.

The complete lack of logic is ridiculous and infuriating.   First, Preston magically uses his Apple Macintosh Performa 6000 to make the blank check out for a million dollars.

And with relatively no questions asked, the bank cashes the check because no one is suspicious of a 12-year-old kid with a million dollars.

This is partially due to some convoluted plot about a criminal laundering money and thinking Preston is his assistant.   But again, who thinks it's natural for a kid to have a check like that?

You know if he was a minority, they would have called the police the second he showed them that check.

Then he buys a ton of stuff including a house and a go-cart track that would cost way more than a million dollars (even in 1994) under the guise that he's doing these things for Macintosh, a fake millionaire he made up.

Of course, everybody, including his parents, a chauffeur, and an FBI agent takes his word for it despite never seeing or hearing of this guy before.

Oh and there's also a nice touch of pedophilia with Shay, the 30s female FBI agent, being the object of Preston's affections.  

She even goes out on a date with him because diddling will definitely help solve her case.

Things only get creepier at the end, as the final scene is Preston looking at a picture of Shay in his room and deviously smiling.

Great, leave us all with the indication he's about to masturbate.

The tagline for this movie should be: "If you loved Home Alone, then experienced serious head trauma. You'll love Blank Check."

2 comments:

  1. Perfect review, thank you. I'm surprised there aren't more reviews out there expressing disgust at the paedophilia in the movie.

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  2. Let's make one thing clear here. Blake wrote that movie for a particular audience - men and women under age 25. That's exactly who this movie was marketed to and as their target audience it sounds like you were pretty into it at the time. Was this movie made to appeal to the twenty or early-30 something you are today? No, it was not.
    This neatly structured movie "hits it's marks," delivers on the "promise of the premise," and has a "killer title and logline that says what it is." Really, what more are you asking for? I'm sure movies like Pulp Fiction and Forrest Gump weren't even blips on your radar when they were released the same year. So please, let us all agree that for its intended market, Blank Check was a well timed piece of cinema that gave youngsters that feeling of going through that transformation machine and ending up on that other side with a nice helping of pre-teen catharsis.

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