Saturday, July 23, 2011

Studio Notes on Raiders of the Lost Ark

"Raiders of the Lost Ark" is a great movie, but it could have been a disaster if George Lucas and Steven Spielberg had taken the bad notes they allegedly received from a studio executive.

Courtesy of the blog Notes From Execs, these are the notes they got.  It's a pretty funny read because they're so absurd.

Within the first couple of notes, the studio executive already dislikes the things that make Indy distinctive  including his hat, archaeology background, whip and fear of snakes.

Instead he believes that Indy be a spy or cop that bites the heads off of snakes and spits the poison at the guys chasing him.

As for the whip he says, "Whip?  What is he a lion tamer? No.  Lose the whip."

Most of the other studio executive's notes indicate that he wanted "Raiders of the Lost Ark" to be more like a soft core porn.  In every scene, he thinks Indy should be "boning" a woman.

He has a really strong affinity for using the word "boning."   When the studio executive references the girl with the writing on her eyelids, he says,
"This is precisely why he should be a cop.  Cause he's a teacher, he can't take her out back and bone her"
That's not even his best one, although there's a little bit of build up to it.

It would happen after the executive suggests Indy finds out where the government put the Ark by slamming a federal agent down on a table and yelling,
"Top men are going to be needed to put you back together when I've beaten you like a Mexican housekeeper for not letting me investigate that Ark and all the little aliens that keep flying out of it."
These notes are really like a window to the soul of a nymphomaniac, abusive, and racist studio executive.

Anyway, then the federal agent would tell Indy where the Ark is so Indy could find it and logically "bone" Marion on top of it.

Although the worst part in all this is that you realize that Lucas and Spielberg actually took one of this guy's awful notes and used it in "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"

Tell me if this sounds familiar.
"How about monkeys in the jungle in the beginning, and they help him fight those guys with blow pipes?  Indy could swing on a vine and do a Tarzan cry, it would be exciting and hilarious!"
If there was any doubt that the last Indiana Jones was an abomination of a movie then this definitely proves it.

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