Friday, August 3, 2012

Thoughts About London 2012 Summer Olympics

1.  Every four years pedophiles and the general public enjoy the same thing: women's gymnastics 

It's during this brief time period that it's seemingly okay to take a vested interest in the activities of half dressed teenage girls and follow as well as analyze their every move.  It's like Halloween for pedophiles as they don't stick out as much as they normally would.  Remember, during the Olympics this is called Olympic spirit, but anytime afterwards it's just creepy.

2.  Constipated gymnastic announcers

Gymnastics and commenters who sound like they're straining themselves on the toilet go hand and hand.   They say things such as "Oh that hurts. It's gonna be a half point deduction for breathing.  She's really had trouble with that."  These people really need some Metamucil.  Of course, the straining might be better than the audio orgy that happens after a good performance.  It features so many yells of "yes, yes" that I'm not quite sure what I'm watching anymore.

3.  Enough with the Chariots of Fire theme song

They play the Chariots of Fire theme song after every medal presentation and it's getting tiresome.  I hate to break it to Great Britain, but the rest of us don't think the song is still as epic and great as you do.  I mean maybe people did in 1981 when "Chariots of Fire" was released, but the rest of us have moved on so you should too.  Although I guess if my nation wasn't very good at the Olympics anymore and all I had to hold on to was a triumph in 1924 that was made into an Oscar winning movie,  I'd grasp at straws too.  

4. Australia keeps naming their swimmers after weapons 

Before there was Australian swimmer Ian Thrope nicknamed "The Thorpedo" and now there's swimmer James "The Missile"  Magnussen.  Considering Australia almost never performs as well as they're supposed to at the Olympics, maybe they should spend less time making up nicknames like they're the Ismail brothers of swimming.   In fact that should be a lesson, if you keep naming yourself things like rocket, missile, and bomb like the Ismail brothers then you're bound to never live up to the lofty expectations.

5.  Another frighting Olympic Mascot

London Olympic mascots Wenlock and Mandeville will be in children's nightmares for years to come.  If the plan was to terrify children into watching the Olympics then they have succeeded.  Nothing says Olympics like a mascots with a giant eye for a face so they always knows if you're watching or not.  They look like  bad guys on a "Doctor Who" episode who have come to earth under the guise of the Olympic games but really want to enslave us.

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