Friday, May 8, 2015

New Hamburglar: Hide Ya Kids, Hide Ya Wife


Mcdonald's decided it was time to update their Hamburglar character by making him a real person with a wife and son that's also very creepy in his spare time.

Maybe I've seen too many Criminal Minds and Law and Order SVU episodes, but he looks like the type of guy that commits sexual assault crimes with burgers.

He's like shhh I'm going to sneak into your house unknowingly then forcibly make you eat this burger and don't say a word.  Meanwhile, he just tells his family that he's going out to do "a few errands," and they have no clue about his double life.

I'm also getting a Clockwork Orange vibe where Hamburglar has his own crew of droogs that break into places and commit these crimes.

It would include the new look Ronald Mcdonald and a new look hipster Grimace that's just an overweight guy wearing a purple hooded sweatshirt or a moo moo.

Clearly, Elliot Stabler needs to come out of retirement to catch this guy. Stabler could say something to the Hamburglar like, "Bet you think you're a big man getting your kicks sexually assaulting people with hamburgers.  You're a sicko."

Then Stabler would attack Hamburglar until Cragen or Benson pulled him off.  It practically writes itself.

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